If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm eating all of the evidence.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He felt like a one man threesome
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
