Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
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