so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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