he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
