I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
