I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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