My hand turned me down
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Another day, another engagement, another cat
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
