I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
