Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm like, not good at living.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
