problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my being single is dangerous.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
