If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
