do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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