he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
