Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
