Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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