my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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