If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
