Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize