So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
