Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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