So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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