One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
They have beer where we have blood.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
