if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
