You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
