he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize