She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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