We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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