you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
