Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm both gender and math confused
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
