My cat gives me a boner
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
