just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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