I didn't shave. On purpose
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
