she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
