Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
