if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
