I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
