Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
