Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
