oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
