Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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