my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
