I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
