just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
