if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
