shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
