my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
