the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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