have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
