You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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