I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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