i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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