We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
