What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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