i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize