Yo dont text me then not text me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
