i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
