I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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