you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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