I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
