Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
