by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
