I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
