But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
