Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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