Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
