what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
