i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
