i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
