I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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