I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
