My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
