I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
