Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Less talking, more tequila
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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