What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
