He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
