I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Randomize
